Rock Hard Misdirection
by wafflezisawesome
Summary: Homestuck AU. John and Dave met online and they're finally meeting in person. Things get hot and heavy and when they're finished Dave has some weird after coitus ritual. Note: This is a 'joke' fic. Please don't take the ending seriously.


Dave and John, two best friends, finally meeting in person for the first time. It's funny how the internet works. Dave stood in front of the mirror, tinted vision peering at his reflection. He smoothed his broken record shirt and twisted his hips to look at his black jean wearing ass in the mirror. The young Strider boy turned to his older brother laying back on his red bed. "Do you think I look cool?" He asked the boy, receiving a small chuckle. "In the ironic way!" He added, glaring at him behind dark sun-glasses. Although Dave's brother could not see the albino boy's eyes he knew he was glaring at him. The older boy stood, towering above Dave and ruffled his hair.

"You look cute, kid." he said, voice so deep it made Dave shiver a bit. The older male then exited the room. Dave gave a small growl and fixed his hair in the mirror.

Meanwhile, a derpy black haired boy was having a squeal-fest with his friend. Their hands were laced together, left to right, right to left. The bounced on their tip-toes squealing at a high-pitched frequency.

"Oh my god, John! You finally get to meet him!" The black haired girl said bouncing higher, her round glasses almost falling off her face.

"I know! I know!" the boy screamed in response. John tugged away from the girl to look down at himself. "Do I look good?" he asked, looking up at her through square glasses, fear now replacing the excitement in his blue eyes. The girl shook her head.

"You look so adorable!" she squealed before ushering him towards the door.

Dave leaned against the wall out front of the arcade, trying to look cool. One end of his skateboard in his hand, the other end against the ground. A small white car pulled up in front and a small black haired boy jumped out.

"Thanks, Dad!" the boy called, slamming the door shut. That moment, Dave knew who it was. His stomach flutter but, his face gave no expression. He had to keep cool. John turned and looked around, eyes meeting the body of a cool kid in shade. Without a second thought, he rushed up to the "cool kid" and gathered him in a big hug. In shock, Dave dropped his skateboard.

"Uhh." he squirmed, attempting to push the other boy off him. Finally, John relinquished his grasp on Dave and smiled a buck-toothed smile at him.

"Hi!" he squeaked. "I've wanted to meet you for so long!" He added, bouncing on his tip toes. Dave cracked a smile.

"Ditto." was the only word uttered from his mouth. They stood there in the awkward silence for a moment before Dave finally broke it. "So, you wanna go back to my place? We can play some video games."

"Sure!" John said quickly, almost cutting him off. The excitement made him down for anything. "Do we have a way of getting there?"

"It's walking distance." Dave shrugged before stepping onto his skateboard and riding towards the apartment building that towered just a few houses down. John noticed Dave's departure and jogged slightly to keep up. Dave could of gone faster but, he decided to keep it nice and slow so his friend could have a chance of staying close.

There was an awkward silence that filled the air the few minutes it took to arrive at the building. Once they got to the stairs, Dave stopped his board and kicked it into his hand. "You have to be quiet, my bro is probably asleep." He grumbled, receiving a nod from John. John, out of shape was gasping for air by the time they reached the top floor. Dave chuckled and glanced at the red-faced panting boy. "Out of shape, eh?"

"Wha-What? No." John gasped and straightened himself like the ascent was nothing. Dave rolled his eyes but, it was missed by John. Dave then pushed the door open and his first sight was Bro passed out on the couch, gaming controller in one hand and a beer in the other. Dave put up one finger to signal him to give him a minute. John nodded and looked around the messy apartment, kind of disgusted by how dirty it was. Dave meanwhile turned off the TV and slipped the beer from Bro's hand. He placed it on the table in front of the sleeping older man. He returned to John and grabbed his hand, dragging him towards his bedroom. John's face turned bright red.

Dave quietly shut the door behind them and turned to John. "I guess we can't play video games. Sorry," he muttered, and dimmed the lights. John was already sitting on Dave's bed and gasped a bit when the lights dimmed. Was Dave setting the mood? No because he just wanted to take off his sunglasses, which he did. His red eyes peered through the darkness, kind of scaring John. Dave sat next to John.

"So, uh, what do you want to do?" John asked, shifting awkwardly.

"This." Dave muttered quietly before reaching up and grabbing John's face, tugging it towards him. Their lips met and it was just like Dave imagined. John had soft lips and they felt nice against his own. John hadn't imagined it like this at all. Dave's lips were rough and kind of hurt. He pushed through it, though. The kiss ended much too soon for either of their likes. They looked forward and sat in the awkward silence.

John broke the silence, "Wanna do it again?" Dave smirked and tugged John's head towards his, their lips meeting once again. This time the kiss lasted for a few seconds longer. When it was over, John opened his eyes and peered into Dave's red eyes. Then went back in for another kiss. This one lasted longer and Dave slid a wet tongue between John's lips. John's tongue met Dave's in his own mouth. John's arms twisted around Dave's neck and Dave's hands found a place on John's hips. Their tongues wrestled for dominance, visiting both of their mouths. Dave's hands slid up John's shirt and found their home on his chest. Dave found himself above John as they fell back on the bed.

Dave took a few seconds to remove John's glasses and set them aside. John took this time to kick off his shoes, Dave doing the same. Dave didn't miss another second and pushed his tongue back into John's mouth. John's hands wandered along his friend's body. He tugged at Dave's shirt. Dave rolled his eyes and broke the kiss to remove his own shirt. He snuck a kiss in between the removal of his shirt and John's. Dave and John embraced each other. Dave's warm skin on his own caused John to let out a small moan. This sound gave pleasure to Dave. Dave begged for more sounds. His tongue slid across John's collar bone, up his neck to just below his ear, causing John to emit a small moan. Dave nipped at John's ear receiving a louder moan in return. Dave trailed bites down John's neck. John's hips bucked up to meet Dave's. Dave's hardening erection was beginning to hurt, pressed against his skinny jeans. John's too was rather painful but, for different reasons. Dave placed his mouth against John's while his hands went to work, unbuttoning and unzipping their pants. John's fingers were tangled in Dave's hair. Dave, completing the task of loosening their jeans, pressed his hips against John's. Their boners pressing against each other elicited moans from both ends and John tugged lightly on Dave's hair. A muffled moan pressed out of Dave's mouth as they both bucked hips.

"Uhg, fuck it!" Dave growled before flipping John over and tugging his pants around his ankles to reveal a naked butt. Dave let out a content breath and John didn't seem to be declining the idea. John twisted to look back at Dave.

"You gonna do something or just stare?" John questioned. Dave snapped back and pushed down his own pants. Dave began to press the head against John's entrance.

"Wait, lube." Dave mutter quietly and rolled off John, grabbing the lotion off his bed side table. John looked over at him curiously.

"What are you doing?"

"Making it hurt less." Dave chuckled and lathered lotion all over his hardened length, making himself moan quietly.

"Hey, no fair! I'm supposed to do that!" John joked. Dave smirked at him and placed his hips over John's back side again.

"You're a dirty boy, aren't you?" Dave chuckled. John let out a moan half in pain and half in pleasure. Dave waited for John to get adjusted. After a moment John began squirming, hoping Dave would get the hint. Dave let out a small scoff and lifted John to his knees by his hips. Dave's hand gripped onto John's hips as he began to pull out slowly. He began pumping gently, as to not hurt the fragile boy. John bucked his hips back, begging for more. Dave began to pump faster, pushing and pulling John's hips in the opposite direction of his own. Dave let out small moans with each pump. John's moans were louder and longer. Dave's hand snaked around to John's erection, his hand pumping in unison with his thrusts. The boy on bottom let out a loud moan, and Dave's free hand immediately smacked over John's mouth, muffling the moan.

"Don't… Wake… Bro…" He sputtered between quiet moans and released John's mouth. He adjusted himself to get a better angle and was rewarded with John arching up against him . Dave let out a quiet chuckle, almost covered up by hefty pants. His free hand trailed across John's body to his hair, getting a hefty grip on it. John let out another loud moan. Dave chose to ignore it this time. He could feel both his and John's end coming. Dave let out a loud moan, getting closer with each thrust. He picked up the pace. John fell back on all fours, gripping Dave's sheets.

"Ngh. Dave… So close." He barely managed to sputter out between moans. Dave just picked up the pace a little bit more in response. John couldn't handle it and exploded all over Dave's fingers. It was only a few seconds later that Dave exploded inside John. He immediately pulled out and fell on the bed next to his already collapsed partner. John snuggled up against Dave, their pants in unison.

"That was good, Dave." John said when his breathing finally evened out.

"I'm glad." Dave responded and leaned down to kiss him. His lips now soft from the saliva swap earlier.

"I love you." John sputtered out.

"I love you too," Dave began, "I'm so sorry." John sat up in worry and confusion.

"What do you mean? Sorry for what?" He said quickly, his worry becoming greater with every second Dave was silent. Dave gave an apologetic look and reached over, gently touching his face with one hand, stroking it calmly. "Dave! Talk to me!" He demanded. Dave just sat up and put his hands on his cheeks.

"Sorry." He whispered as John began to feel searing pain where Dave's hands were. The pain spread to his face. John's vision began to blur due to pain. Or maybe it was the fact his eyeballs were now melting out of his sockets. John tried to say something but, it became jumbled as he found his lips were dripping. John gasped for air. He couldn't see and he was in tons of pain. He began to panic and flail. John couldn't tell if Dave's hands were still on his face. No, he didn't even have a face anymore. His face was in a disgusting pool of melted flesh on Dave's bed. John felt his consciousness fade doomed to never wake up again.


End file.
